she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
