I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
