I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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