Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
