I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
