it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
