Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize