is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
