I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
