I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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