Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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