did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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