I can tuck mytits in my pants
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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