Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
