Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.