Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
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He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
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I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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