Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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