Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
