420 ftw
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize