Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
