VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
