Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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