friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
