This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Randomize
