Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
