The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
