i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
this is an emotional support booty call
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize