Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
