I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
