after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
