I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
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She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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