i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
