you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
