He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
ttyl tear gas
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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