I like to think it a success when the cops are called
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
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He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
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Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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