you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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