FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
