Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
