Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
