4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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