I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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