O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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