eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
