Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
