I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
