I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
