Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
