If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
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