and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
