Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
