Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
