Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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