I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
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Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
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You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I know her cup size but not her name....
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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