My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
