Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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