dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
