Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
