thus making me awesome and them whores
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
