Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Swine flu is the new snow day.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
